Wikipedia:WikiProject Military history/Assessment/Montreal Laboratory
- The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
Article promoted by Peacemaker67 (talk) via MilHistBot (talk) 06:06, 31 July 2016 (UTC) « Return to A-Class review list
Montreal Laboratory[edit]
Montreal Laboratory (edit | talk | history | links | watch | logs)
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Latest in the series on the Manhattan Project. This is about the Canadian part. Hawkeye7 (talk) 22:55, 18 July 2016 (UTC)
Comments. As always, feel free to revert my copyediting. - Dank (push to talk)
- "They were temporarily installed in the Cavendish Laboratory at the University of Cambridge, where they made progress on the design of a nuclear reactor, but the MAUD Committee was uncertain as to whether their work was relevant to the main task of Tube Alloys, that of building an atomic bomb, but there remained a possibility that a reactor could be used to breed plutonium, which might be used in a bomb.": Ugh.
- More later. - Dank (push to talk) 14:46, 21 July 2016 (UTC)
- Got a stomach bug today. Please ping me when Maury's done. - Dank (push to talk) 12:42, 23 July 2016 (UTC)
- "alternative source", "alternate source": consistency
- "[17][8]", "[34][32][7]": order of refs
- Support on prose per my standard disclaimer. These are my edits. - Dank (push to talk) 01:39, 25 July 2016 (UTC)
Support Comments second reading goes well, good to go. Still like to see something on that 185l issue, but that can wait. Maury Markowitz (talk) 21:36, 24 July 2016 (UTC)
- "They were temporarily installed" - thus starts a run-on sentence. Suggest full stops at "reactor, but" and "bomb, but"
- "The Canadian government" - a minor ROS here. Perhaps break at "proposal" or "initially".
- "and the laboratory was located in Montreal, initially in a house" - was this a lab, or just offices while they waited for the lab? The body text below is not detailed.
- "Two reactors were eventually built at Chalk River; the small ZEEP, which went critical on 5 September 1945" - as the second example is a separate statement, so should the one about ZEEP - remove the ";" and "which" basically.
- "was for a time was the" -was, for a time, the"
- "Americans, and Anglo" - "Americans. As Anglo ... the Montreal Laboratory scientists were denied access to..."
- "with paraffin wax" - what was the purpose of the wax?
- "the dangers posed" - these don't appear to be "dangers", simply "problems"?
- "were captured" - "were captured in these materials", or perhaps "were absorbed in these materials"
- "180 kilograms"..."about 185 litres" - 185 l of D2O is about 205 kg. 180 kg of D2O is about 162 l. Something is wrong here.
- "and about French patent claims" - on what exactly? Are these the ones mentioned below? Perhaps all of this could be placed in a single statement near this location?
- Added the following on the French patents: "These included patents on controlling nuclear chain reactions, enriching uranium, and using deuterium as a neutron moderator. There were also two patents applications in conjunction with Egon Bretscher and Norman Feather on the production and use of plutonium." Hawkeye7 (talk) 01:26, 22 July 2016 (UTC)
- "Cambridge,[14]and" - missing space.
- "Howe cabled Sir John Anderson" - I suggest simply "Anderson" at this point and herein.
- "This had attractions from the perspective" - "This offered various advantages including"
- "cooperation to a standstill"..."come to a complete standstill" - perhaps a different term for one of these two?
- "1943, the Prime Minister" - worth adding Canadian here, "1943, the Canadian Prime Minister"
- "in the world.[36] With the passage" - this is out of place in a para describing the reactors. Move below?
- "light water.[37] By the end" - para break.
- "who secretly supplied tiny samples" - samples from and to whom?
- "but British hopes were disappointed" ...apparently by a... "full and effective cooperation on atomic energy" - it is not clear why they are disappointed here.
Maury Markowitz (talk) 16:12, 21 July 2016 (UTC)
Support: Overall, looks quite good to me, Hawkeye. Just a few minor comments or suggestions from me: AustralianRupert (talk) 07:19, 22 July 2016 (UTC)
- technical review: no dup links were identified; no dabs identified; ext links all work;
- suggest adding alt text;
- "File:C.D. Howe, wartime.jpg": should have a description added to the image description page on Commons;
- "File:C.D. Howe, wartime.jpg": not a warstoper, but if there was any way to move the handwritten comments on the image, it would probably be a bit more visually appealing;
- image licencing looks ok to me, assuming that the assertion on "File:NRX Pile Building and ZEEP Building- Cooling Tanks 1945.jpg" that URAA does not apply, means that no US licence is required. If this is not the case, it shouldn't be a drama: PD-US-1996 would be applicable in my opinion then.
- "File:C.D. Howe, wartime.jpg": probably needs a US licence;
- "File:Montreal Group.jpg": same as the above
- "File:TrumanAtleeKing1945.jpg": US licence should probably be adjusted to "PD-US-1996"
- In the References, the Manhatten District History: is there an OCLC number that can be added here?
- citation order: "...including J. Carson Mark, Phil Wallace and Leo Yaffe.[19][2]" --> "...including J. Carson Mark, Phil Wallace and Leo Yaffe.[2][19]" (this is a very pedantic nitpick...there are a couple of other examples that I could see elsewhere, too)
- if there is a particularly iconic image, potentially it would enhance the visual appeal of the article if it were added to the lead;
- Anyway, that's all I've got. Once again, Hawkeye, thanks for your efforts. Regards, AustralianRupert (talk) 07:19, 22 July 2016 (UTC)
- The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.