Talk:Book of the Dead/GA1
GA Review[edit]
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- Well-written: I thought that it was written in a vivid, engaging way. From what I could see from Google Books previews, the paraphrasing was not too close, and did a good job of concisely representing the source material. I gave it a copyedit for grammar, spelling, and understandability issues. Try not to rely on the semicolon too much. There are a few places that I wasn't confident in fixing myself, so I'll list them:
- In the Organisation section, you write "for a long time Egyptologists concluded there was no internal structure at all." When or how long ago was this "long time"? Be specific.
- The structure is referenced to a 1967 book Le Livre des Morts by Paul Barguet. However I can't find anything that says explicitly it was derived from him, and I can't read the book either because it's in French! So we will have to do with something fairly vague for the time being, or omit this point entirely. The Land (talk) 19:32, 6 January 2011 (UTC)
- I've looked at your original source through Google Docs, and it appears to me we can say something to the effect of "until that study Egyptologists thought." I've made a change to that effect, which you're welcome to take a look at.
- The structure is referenced to a 1967 book Le Livre des Morts by Paul Barguet. However I can't find anything that says explicitly it was derived from him, and I can't read the book either because it's in French! So we will have to do with something fairly vague for the time being, or omit this point entirely. The Land (talk) 19:32, 6 January 2011 (UTC)
- In the Discovery section, the fourth paragraph is a bit too listy and jumbled. Perhaps you could talk about Budge's work in a separate paragraph?
- In the Producing section, you mention that the price of a Book is one deben of silver, and then you go on to say it could cost as much as half a year's wages. Is one deben of silver half a year's wages, or are they two separate appraisals?
- As a general view, make sure that your tense and your gendered pronouns are consistent. I'm not fully convinced that it's completely so.
- Good point. With gender I've checked the uses of "he" and "his" and neutralised them where appropriate. With tense, the nature of the article means there are frequent changes between what was done or was believed then and what is observed or is known now. However I have fixed the everything I thought was a definite error. The Land (talk) 19:32, 6 January 2011 (UTC)
- Ah, good. As long as it's consistent, it's fine. Looks okay.
- Good point. With gender I've checked the uses of "he" and "his" and neutralised them where appropriate. With tense, the nature of the article means there are frequent changes between what was done or was believed then and what is observed or is known now. However I have fixed the everything I thought was a definite error. The Land (talk) 19:32, 6 January 2011 (UTC)
- In the Organisation section, you write "for a long time Egyptologists concluded there was no internal structure at all." When or how long ago was this "long time"? Be specific.
- Verifiability: Well-chosen reliable sources. As a possible source of future expansion, you could reference the individual spells themselves more often.
- Broad: Very comprehensive. However, I think that the Spells section digresses a bit too much when it comes to magic, especially the third paragraph.
- I've deleted two sentences which were semi-repetitive. On the whole I think it's important to establish the way Egyptians perceived words, magic and religion as it's the key to understanding the whole text. Hopefully what remains does that ok. The Land (talk) 19:32, 6 January 2011 (UTC)
- I took out the "While this may seem...to the modern reader" part because I didn't think it was very neutral with respect to the reader. Other than that it seems just right now.
- I've deleted two sentences which were semi-repetitive. On the whole I think it's important to establish the way Egyptians perceived words, magic and religion as it's the key to understanding the whole text. Hopefully what remains does that ok. The Land (talk) 19:32, 6 January 2011 (UTC)
- Neutral: The article presents a good number of varying view points about the Book of the Dead from different Egyptologists. I think the commentary on the Judgement section could still use more reference to the original proponents, though. The second paragraph in particular could use direct reference to Faulkner and Taylor, the people you cited for that section. I'm not sure who could be attributed with which sentiment or statement, so I haven't done it myself.
- It's only the second half of the second paragraph where the views are really separate. There seems to be a consensus that the Book of the Dead reflects everyday Egyptian morality rather than imposing it. There is a much bigger difference of opinion about where you actually had to be morally pure to get into the afterlife or whether you just needed the right spell to get past the Weighing of the Heart. I have tweaked the order a bit and now I am explicitly referencing three separate views (Taylor, Goelet and Pinch). The Land (talk) 19:32, 6 January 2011 (UTC)
- I see. It looks like the changes you've made there are satisfactory.
- It's only the second half of the second paragraph where the views are really separate. There seems to be a consensus that the Book of the Dead reflects everyday Egyptian morality rather than imposing it. There is a much bigger difference of opinion about where you actually had to be morally pure to get into the afterlife or whether you just needed the right spell to get past the Weighing of the Heart. I have tweaked the order a bit and now I am explicitly referencing three separate views (Taylor, Goelet and Pinch). The Land (talk) 19:32, 6 January 2011 (UTC)
- Stable: Nothing to worry about here.
- Images: I notice that File:Carl Richard Lepsius (1810-1884).jpg does not have a source. I don't doubt that it's public domain, but it should be cleared up if possible. The other images check out. The captions are very detailed. If you're looking for expansion beyond GA, please be sure to provide alt text.
- I'm not sure what the source of the Lepsius file is either, though it does occur in Taylor, which is probably enough to satisfy people that the picture is indeed Lepsius. Will update the image. Thanks for the reminder about alt-text, I will do it shortly. The Land (talk) 19:32, 6 January 2011 (UTC)
- Alt text isn't required for GA, but right now it is for FA. I'll leave you to that on your own time. I went ahead and managed to identify the source of the image: It's from the Deutsche Staatsbibliothek.
- I'm not sure what the source of the Lepsius file is either, though it does occur in Taylor, which is probably enough to satisfy people that the picture is indeed Lepsius. Will update the image. Thanks for the reminder about alt-text, I will do it shortly. The Land (talk) 19:32, 6 January 2011 (UTC)
.jpg){kind=link}
Overall, I think it's a fine article, but I'd like to see the fixes accomplished before passing to GA. Therefore, I'll be putting this on hold for now.
Reviewer: bibliomaniac15 06:16, 6 January 2011 (UTC)
- Thanks for the review! I will have a look in a bit more detail this evening. The Land (talk) 12:41, 6 January 2011 (UTC)
- Comments interspersed above. Thanks for such a thorough and helpful review, let me know if there is any more to do. The Land (talk) 19:32, 6 January 2011 (UTC)
- I've done a few more fixes that I caught as well as a couple of more substantial fixes. Let me know what you think. If I have your okay for those, I'll be passing the article. bibliomaniac15 19:58, 6 January 2011 (UTC)
- Comments interspersed above. Thanks for such a thorough and helpful review, let me know if there is any more to do. The Land (talk) 19:32, 6 January 2011 (UTC)